Asleep at the switch.

Got a light?

There’s a sign outside the restroom in the Putney, Vermont, Food Coop that begins “The light switch is on the right as soon as you walk in the bathroom…” and so far, in my case anyway, that’s where it’s been.  It makes me wonder though, where was the light switch before I walked through the door?  On the opposite wall, for all I know.  It could have been above the mirror, maybe, or flying around the room like some kind of crazy flying light switch.  It’s unsettling.

When I leave the room, does the light switch quick-like-a-bunny relocate to the floor, sit on the sink, or float in the bowl like some kind of crazy floating light switch?  I have no idea.  And that’s the problem.  What would happen if, God forbid, the light switch should somehow miss its cue?  You know, maybe it’s looking at itself in the mirror and pining over its lost youth, or, conversely, marveling at its undeniable vigor and beauty like that kid who stared at himself in a puddle – what’s his name?  The guy with the complex?  Whatever.

My point is, should that happen one day, and some unsuspecting schmo who only wants to rinse out his environmentally correct travel mug before hopping back into the Prius, that schmo reads the sign, opens the door, gets one foot in, looks to his right, and WHAMMO!  He gets smacked on the left side of his head by a crazy speeding light switch that had been desperately – a personal injury lawyer might say recklessly – trying to get back to its appointed place.

I smell an organic, sustainably harvested lawsuit, that’s what.

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~ by The 1955 Hudson on March 22, 2010.

8 Responses to “Asleep at the switch.”

  1. For the philosophically inclined: Did you ever wonder about those words in your side mirror? “Objects are closer than they appear.” Of course, the stuff in my mirror is nearer to me than the real cars on my left. That’s the whole point, no?

  2. Have ya gone stark raving mad man!? Ranting and raving at man and beastsalike. Dragging the likes of holy Pat Robertson and even your poor unruly beast Rags into this shameful mess. Ah, somethin’ evil’s a foot, there’s little doubt about that. If only dear Sarah Palin were in the White House. Shame on thee Lad!

  3. Not to mention what one should expect if they were to enter the room at various speeds or patterns of step that couldn’t be called walking. It makes me want to *skip* through the door. Just to see. What if? …

    (and while we’re at it, at the risk of appearing severely pedantic, how are these people walking *through* the door in the first place, instead of the doorway?!)

    Sorry to drop in uninvited. I always had a laugh at your comments on Ian’s page, so he told me you had a blog going. 🙂

    • By all means, come in, pull up a hunk of bandwidth and set awhile! Any friend of Rastall’s is a friend of mine. That’s probably not true, but I would go so far as to say that any distantly remote bordering-on-dubious acquaintance of Rastall’s is a distantly remote bordering-on-dubious-acquaintance of mine. Either way, so long as you know the password – “Swordifsh” – you’re welcome. Such is my esteem for Young Rastall.

      And I’m happy to report that, upon further inspection – and I have the photographic evidence to back this up, so stay tuned – the sign actually says “The light switch is on your right as soon as you walk in the bathroom…” which opens up another whole kettle of philosophical fish, or a different can of epistemological worms, but we’ll leave that to another day.

      Luv ya lots!

      M

  4. Hudson, I can’t believe you’re being truly snarky if you go to the trouble to include the cedilla in acai … I mean, … oh, shit, it’s in another post. Well, you know what I mean.

    Actually, there’s a very famous theory or something, called, I think, Schrodinger’s Lightswitch. The basic idea is that if you turn off the lights, and close the door, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be able to find your way back to your car.

  5. Ian, you know you are the biz-omb, but I will have to agree that when it comes to snarkiness and cedillas, usage of one does not necessarily preclude the other. 😉

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